Small-Screen BJ for April 18, 2007

Now that The Last King of Scotland is available on DVD, everyone can relive Forrest Whittaker's fantastic performance and try to forget how crappy his Oscar acceptance speech was. There isn't really anything funny or witty I can say about a movie chronicling one of the worst dictators in history, so I'll just say: See it!


On a lighter note, season six of "Murder She Wrote" is now available on DVD. I remember enjoying the twists and turns in every episode, and hoping Angela Lansbury would make it through unscathed. Those were the days before I knew she even had a British accent in real life! Going through the episode titles, I'm already excited to watch these, whether I've seen them before or not.

This is the season that includes both "Appointment in Athens" and "The Szechuan Dragon." While only one of those sounds like a restaurant, the international flavor is thrilling. I love it when mysteries take place in exotic foreign locales. Also intriguing: Episode 5, "Jack and Bill." Did the show go homo in 1989? Was the episode "Night of the Tarantula" related to that trashy movie about spiders? Later on is number 20, "Shear Madness." Hairdressers = more gay? Why aren't there reruns on Bravo? Finally, the finale is another trip abroad for "The Sicilian Encounter." I had one of those in college one night and it was indeed spicy!


If you're in the mood for some cute boys, look no further than History Boys. Although the title sounds like a bad Disney educational time-travel movie, this is really an adaptation of a hit play. It's about English school boys, but it's funnier than Dead Poets Society and just as heart-warming. This is truly one of those movies that just makes you happy and have fun, and in these days of tragic news, that is a good thing even Martha Stewart would approve of!

Small-Screen BJ for April 11, 2007

Hello and welcome to today's

Seasonally Affected BJ

We've had freezing, snowy weather here after so many beautiful, warm days just weeks ago. So, I have chosen two brand new DVD releases to cheer you up and some old classics as well. Keep upbeat with BJ!


Those meddling kids! What could be happier than "Scooby Doo"? The third season of this cartoon classic is available today, so you can eliminate the memory of the horrible recent movie (with the girl from "Freaks and Geeks" who apparently stopped eating after that wonderful show was canceled) from your mind. Enjoy the hilarious mysteries, the hippie outfits, and Scooby's amazing one-liners. I have to say, I knew someone in college that tried to make the van from this show, and it just didn't look cute. I think "The A Team" would've been a better vehicular inspiration.


After last week's carpeted "Brady Bunch" DVD box set cover, today we get Astroturf for the special edition of Major League. Personally, I've always through Astroturf would be a great medium for women's clothing, if they could just get rid of the shedding. I would wear it myself, except I had a traumatic minigold incident when I was eleven and my left knee has never been the same since, and I don't want to wear PTSD-inducing clothes.

The fast-paced, gag-filled comedy of Major League represents a whole style of movies that would be great on a dark and unpleasant day. From the Naked Gun trilogy to Hot Shots, slapstick fun should always be in the forecast!


But the ultimate feel-good movie, one of my all times favorites, and perfect for today's weather has got to be Cool Runnings. I am not ashamed to admit I say this five times in a theater, and I can recite practically the whole movie. John Candy was always one of my heroes, and although his death still brings a tear to my eye, the only tears this movie creates are tears of joy. If they made a figure skating heartwarming slapstick cross between this and Blades of Glory, you can bet my five viewing record would be shattered like Nancy Kerrigan's knee!

Small-Screen BJ for April 4, 2007

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Finally, all five seasons of "The Brady Bunch" are available on DVD with this fabulicious shag cover! You can't always judge a DVD by its package--unlike men! But this is sure one neat and spiffy cover. Gee whiz! I can't wait to relive all the hilarious moments, like Alice's hula hooping injury, and Jan's football to nose innjury, and the time when that one boy's voice changed. Or was that on the "Partridge Family?" See, I need to watch it again! I haven't had a Brady experience since that made-for-TV movie starring a young Adam Brody as whoever played Peter Brady. I'm so excited to go back to the original.


Midgets and log ladies and giants, oh my! I was a bit too young to appreciate "Twin Peaks" when it was on, but I occasionally watched it, and the images of Bob gave me nightmares that I don't think will ever go away! But what a great cult classic this show is, with Agent Cooper and his cherry pie fetish, David Duchovny playing a transvestite named Denise (formerly Dennis), and my favorite character, Lucy the police secretary.

The second season has sure taken a long time to come out on DVD. Hopefully that means there will some delicious extras. I remember hearing that the show started going downhill sometime during the second season, although maybe it was the third. Either way, I'm sure this will hit the spot for a scary night at home, or just some cut boy watching thanks to Bobby, James, and Mike! Remember when Mike was being stalked by Nadine after she got a concussion and developed super-human strength and the mistaken belief she was in high school again? Remember when Laara Flynn Boyle was less anorexic? This show truly is from another planet sometimes.


And now for something new! This week's biggest new release on DVD is certainly The Good Shepherd, Robert De Niro's CIA thriller. Now, as much as I appreciate the people in this movie, Matt Damon isn't cute enough anymore for me to invest almost three hours in a movie whose subject is so boring! If I wanted to see the Skulls unveiled, I would see The Skulls. Oh wait, I did! And it was horrendous! This is like the Oscar version, with history and intrigue and lots of really famous people.

However, when I was researching this movie on IMDB, I noticed that the five plot keywords listed on the site are:
Intolerance / Xenophobia / Racial Prejudice / Breasts / Blood
Well, that sounds interesting, if straight! Maybe I'll bite Matt's bullet and try to choke down this epic, but if I wanted to experience those keywords, I could just go to certain gay clubs in Boys' Town and have a drink and watch a go-go boy at the same time.

Small-Screen BJ for March 28, 2007

One of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year was Children of Men, and for good reason. This tense, exciting thriller had everything true film lovers want to see: great acting, fabulous cinematography, and a nail-bitingly suspenseful plot with a surprisingly bittersweet ending. The only thing that disappointed me was that Julianne Moore wasn't in at as much as I thought she would have been. Ever since Boogie Nights, I've absolutely loved her!

Without giving anything away, this movie is about a future where no one can have children. I'm still not sure if this is offensive, like if it's saying what would happen if everyone was gay. Of course, gay people are capable of conceiving and having children, but not through the same methods as hetero couples. Is the nightmarish, post-apocalytpic world without breeding a kind of homo-holocaust? I can't decide if I should be offended, so until some politically astute blogger convinces me otherwise, I'm going to recommend this movie to everyone.



Will Smith was probably thinking "critics just don't understand" if he read reviews for The Pursuit of Happyness, but he laughed all the way to an Oscar nomination! I know this was a corny movie, but its literal rags-to-riches story was heartwarming, and Will's son Jaden was such a cutie that you had to fall in love with him. He's like the black Jonathan Lipnicki! Also, coming from a family where we didn't have much spending money, and now today that I'm in a place where my financial security is really good, I understood the message of this movie: Being poor sucks! Could there be a more American message?



Awesome, dude! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The sixth of eight "Full House" seasons is out on DVD as of yesterday, so you can relive the hilarious and touching family stories in case you haven't already seen the episodes one of the 850 times they've been on TV. I must say, this was and still is one of my favorite shows. As a young gay, it was great to see that San Francisco wasn't scary. Of course, it wasn't really gay in this show, either, but I knew that I could go from the Castro to a wholesome family neighborhood and that made me more willing to visit.

Of course, we all know what happened to the Olsen twins, and I guess I can't blame them for waning to keep the same body weight from the early seasons of the show. Who wouldn't? Jodi Sweeten became a meth addict, and Bob Saget disappeared into thin air, but we'll always have this show. It's no SBTB, but who can forget the fantastic episode where DJ went on a diet and passed out after an explosive treadmill session (or was it exercise bike?). Or the episode where Stephanie got in a car accident while wearing hipster boots? This show is my generation, from the clothes to the laughs, and they just don't make TV like this anymore.

Small-Screen BJ for March 13, 2007

This week, the DVD excitement has forced me to switch my Tuesday and Wednesday features! Sorry for the confusion, but stay turned for the audio round-up tomorrow, and sit back and enjoy:

An Unpredictable BJ



What is it with barely legal (and, in the case of Daniel Radcliffe, nude and underage) Brits these days? The hot streak continues with today's DVD release of Eragon, starring boarding school bombshell Ed Speleers. This boy can ride my dragon anytime! But, seriously, I've never been too much into that whole fantasy thing. Crystals, unicorns, drarves, and wizards . . . I just don't get it. I mean, between the unicorn horns and the magic wands, it's no surprise that one of the most popular magic spells help these sorcerors ride the dragon bareback with safety, but the whole D and D thing just has bad associations. Anyway, I'm going to plan on watching this movie for the CGI effects (that's my public statement and you can't prove otherwise).



Why can't Leo still look like this? Sure, he might not have as easy a time scoring "serious" roles or whatever, but I miss the cute boy who didn't have the bloat, the facial hair, the convincing heterosexuality. Anyway, Leo's the star of today's hottest DVD release, The Blood Diamond. Oh, director Edward Zwick, you are so talented at tackling social issues! Who would've known the diamond industry had such a seedy underbelly (and I'm not talking about Leo's!). I learned something, I got to ogle Djimon Hounsou, and I tried to see if Jennifer Connelly's womanly parts had any permanent damage from that horrific scene in Requiem for a Dream.

Now it's time for another edition of:

Thanks for the BJ Memories

It's the first day of Spring, and what could be more Springy than a classic musical filled with catchy tunes, Hollywood legends, and, most importantly, Judy?



Easter Parade may not be one of the most famous musical of its time, but it is still a great sing-along experience. Have a few gay friends over, put on your laciest bonnet, and pop it in the DVD player and you've got an evening of entertainment!

Unfortunately, it was difficult for me to enjoy this movie for several years, because when I was 15, I participated in the Easter Parade in the neighboring town of Story City, IA. I was dressed as the Goddess of Spring, wearing a flowing pale green dress and carrying a magic wand that was actually a Star Wars promotional light sabre. My tiara was a Burker King birthday crown decorated with my Bedazzler and a hint of puff paint. Needless to say, the good people of the Roland/Story City area were not ready for my fairy goddess, and I barely avoided a public beating. However, I have put all that behind me . . . for Judy!

Small-Screen BJ for March 14, 2007

From Hedwig to hardcore: John Cameron Mitchell's controversial film Shortbus is now available on DVD. High school students looking for sexy alone time may be disappointed by the distracting plot, which is almost too intelligent for me. It's, like, philosophical and stuff. Speaking of stuff, Johnny boy does something very brave for a gay in his cameo. This is a feel-good movie in one way or another, or both ways, or whatever ways you're in the mood for. You could say it puts the "head" in Hedwig, except I liked Hedwig better.



Daniel Craig can put his royale in BJ's casino any time he wants to! This delicious hunk brought the Bond franchise to life; in fact, you could practically get whiplash from the velocity. This Spring, you can Spring to attention as well with Casino Royale on DVD. I doubt the extras will include anythinig related to the rumors about Danny's sexuality, but a boy can dream. Jesse Metcalfe is a hunk, and Ryan Seacrest is a pocket of playful pleasure, but Craig beats them both handily. And I do mean handily.

And now, it is time to debut a brand spanking new feature on this blog. Each Wednesday, as a part of Small-Screen BJ, I will include one classic and/or seasonal DVD title for:

Thanks for the BJ Memories

Today's choice is, in honor of St. Patrick's Day on Saturday, is Leprechaun 3. Warwick Davis, who is shorter than Ryan Seacrest and uglier than Verne Troyer, dons his feminine heels for the third out of too many installments in this series. He drinks, he steals, and he wreacks general dwarfish havok in Sin City.



John Gatkins is the protagonist, and there is at least one delicious shirtless photo of this smooth hunk. Add a sassy Jewish broad, an Indian pawn shop clerk, and special effects that would make only Ed Wood jealous, and you've got a perfect match for Irish car bombs (the drink, of course, sweeties)!

This is BJ Casanova, wishing you pleasant dreams and not horrific Leprechaun nightmares.

Small-Screen BJ for March 7, 2007

Do you know who this manboy is? Maybe you don't recognize him with some clothes on, but this is Stonie, aka Borat's son! Now that Borat is on DVD, members of the gay community should stand at attention at the thrilling opportunity to freeze-frame those naked shots.

Except . . . Stonie is a gay porn star with quite a few films under his belt (does that term apply here?). You can see a whole lot more of him by checking out your local video store with a back room. Speaking of which, there is a store here in Chicago called Rainbow Fantasy video where I often go to rent GLBT art films. One day, while I was looking for a new Gregg Araki release, I accidentally wandered into the adult section. Within seconds, my tender eyes witnessed so much filth, but to make matters worse, a man who was clearly over 40 grabbed his crotch suggestively while staring at me!

Needless to say, I will no longer be patronizing Rainbow Fantasy.



Also available as of this week is a new expanded edition of The Full Monty. This is one of those special films to my heart, as it was one of the first real indie movies I ever saw after escaping from Roland, Iowa, but it was also a movie that helped me whip off my front of heterosexuality (which turned out to be fooling almost no one) and expose my gayosity to the world!

Finally, yet another new season of "The Golden "Girls" is out this week, but the first season of "Bosom Buddies" is finally coming out very soon as well. It's about time that every episode from the history of these light and lovely old sitcoms became available. Here's hoping "Nurses" is coming soon as well!

P.S. In response to the hundreds of angry comments about my belated BJ-giving (all but noe of which I erased in the interest of simplicity), let me apologize again. Last night I had to work late, then make dinner, do dishes and laundry, and watch three hours of TV (I skipped "Top Design" so it should have been four), so this post got lost in the busy schedule. I promise to continue trying my very, very hardest to give you all the BJ you deserve.