Small-Screen BJ for April 4, 2007

Marcia, Marcia, Marcia! Finally, all five seasons of "The Brady Bunch" are available on DVD with this fabulicious shag cover! You can't always judge a DVD by its package--unlike men! But this is sure one neat and spiffy cover. Gee whiz! I can't wait to relive all the hilarious moments, like Alice's hula hooping injury, and Jan's football to nose innjury, and the time when that one boy's voice changed. Or was that on the "Partridge Family?" See, I need to watch it again! I haven't had a Brady experience since that made-for-TV movie starring a young Adam Brody as whoever played Peter Brady. I'm so excited to go back to the original.


Midgets and log ladies and giants, oh my! I was a bit too young to appreciate "Twin Peaks" when it was on, but I occasionally watched it, and the images of Bob gave me nightmares that I don't think will ever go away! But what a great cult classic this show is, with Agent Cooper and his cherry pie fetish, David Duchovny playing a transvestite named Denise (formerly Dennis), and my favorite character, Lucy the police secretary.

The second season has sure taken a long time to come out on DVD. Hopefully that means there will some delicious extras. I remember hearing that the show started going downhill sometime during the second season, although maybe it was the third. Either way, I'm sure this will hit the spot for a scary night at home, or just some cut boy watching thanks to Bobby, James, and Mike! Remember when Mike was being stalked by Nadine after she got a concussion and developed super-human strength and the mistaken belief she was in high school again? Remember when Laara Flynn Boyle was less anorexic? This show truly is from another planet sometimes.


And now for something new! This week's biggest new release on DVD is certainly The Good Shepherd, Robert De Niro's CIA thriller. Now, as much as I appreciate the people in this movie, Matt Damon isn't cute enough anymore for me to invest almost three hours in a movie whose subject is so boring! If I wanted to see the Skulls unveiled, I would see The Skulls. Oh wait, I did! And it was horrendous! This is like the Oscar version, with history and intrigue and lots of really famous people.

However, when I was researching this movie on IMDB, I noticed that the five plot keywords listed on the site are:
Intolerance / Xenophobia / Racial Prejudice / Breasts / Blood
Well, that sounds interesting, if straight! Maybe I'll bite Matt's bullet and try to choke down this epic, but if I wanted to experience those keywords, I could just go to certain gay clubs in Boys' Town and have a drink and watch a go-go boy at the same time.

Audio BJ for April 3, 2007

These days, it seems like every famous young female celebrity (and Paris Hilton) has at least one album out. And their male equivalents, like Jesse McCartney, are almost as likely to. Yet, as much as I would love to love this music, it's actually pretty bad and forgettable. I mean, how hard is it to pay someone to write a catchy, decent song these days? These kids should hire me to hook them up with good producers, and I do not mean whoever did Madonna's "American Life"!

Anyway, Hilary Duff is lower key, not trashy, and . . . well, her new album is called Dignity, for goddess's sake! IT may as well be called I Haven't Been to Rehab Yet, but I can understand wanting the message to be strong and concise. According to her website, the album is about her tragic former relationship with Joel Madden, her life as a dignified (unlike her contemporaries) famous young woman, and so on. But is the music dignified? I think so! It's an eclectic dance melange of international flavors, with a dance floor-ready vibe that should fit right in at this summer's light and breezy parties. The release date is today, so buy it, download it, and feel the dignity.


Remember the mid 90's? Unlike some of my friends, who used a bit too many of the drogas to deal with boring life in Iowa, I sure do. One of the catchiest pop radio hits of the era was "Radiation Vibe" by Fountains of Wayne. To be honest, I don't really know much about the band aside from that song, except I think the lead singer did the music for That Thing You Do, another fun memory. Oh, the days when life was so much easier, without financial worries or interior decorating problems or real relationships.

Founains of Wayne have a brand new album, Traffic and Weather, out today, so perhaps we can all step back into the hazy, lazy days with an hour or so of pop goodness. Even if the new album isn't that good, at least it's a reminder to think back to the music and movies of ten years ago. I have a feeling a certain boyfriend named Don is going to be treated to a "Breakfast at Tiffany's" tonight, and I am referring to that alternative radio hit by some band whose name I may never have even known . . .


. . . but, thanks to the internet, I do now! Meet Deep Blue Something. "Breakfast" was on their 1995 album Home (thanks, All Music!) and they released two albums after that, with the last being self-titled and from 2001. It's so cool to have All Music for all the info, and then You Tube for the videos! In honor of this theme, I feel a list coming on . . .

BJ's Video Vault: Ten You Tube Experiences for Early April
1. Deep Blue Something - "Breakfast at Tiffany's"
2. Fountains of Wayne - "Radiation Vibe"
3. Len - "Steal My Sunshine"
4. Sugar Ray - "Fly"
5. Spin Doctors - "Two Princes"
6. The Rembrandts - "I'll Be There for You"
7. Dishwalla - "Counting Blue Cars"
8. Crash Test Dummies - "MMM MMM MMM MMM"
9. Madonna - "Take a Bow"
10. Christina Aguilera - "Genie in a Bottle"

Mr. BJ Goes to Washington for April 2, 2007

Things got surprisingly violent at a party after Saturday's Nickelodeon Kids Choice Awards in L.A. Three guests were shot while attending a mysterious party. According to the AP, the party was thrown by someone who attended the Awards but was not a celebrity, and the party "had no celebrity guests." Luckily, the injuries were not serious, but still! What kind of people go to an event like that and then get into gun fights? Were they arguing over whether Dakota Fanning deserved to win Favorite Actress? Were there religious Harry Potter detractors horrified that the HP series won for Favorite Book?

The whole idea of a Kids Choice Awards after-party is just strange to me, but I guess some of the Nickelodeon stars are teenagers and probably do their share of drinking and drugging. How horrifying, though, to imagine my favorite Pete and Pete stars from the past doing coke in the Hollywood Hills! My innocent memories of TV fun are being thrown into question now, and I'm not happy about it.


The saga of the anatomically correct chocolate Jesus sculpture is still ongoing. After it was removed from its Manhattan location due to protests, people are apparantly dying to buy the piece, "My Sweet Lord," from artist Cosimo Cavallaro. His website includes other conceptual art, including an installation where he coated an entire house in Wisconsin with cheese.

I have to say, the American public is so uptight about art involving nudity or religion! It's ridiculous that you can go to a museum and see all this great old art with tons of violence and nudity, but if someone is evil enough to make a new artwork exposing Jesus's penis, it's the end of the world. Near my hometown in Iowa, there's another town that has an annual potato festival, Tater Dayz, and every year there is a Tater Queen who gets her sculpture done in mashed potatoes. One year it looked like her left nipple was exposed, and everyone in three counties was freaking out for weeks! People, it's art, and get over it!


It's a good old-fashioned mob trail here in Chicago! The story sounds like a bad movie, with characters like "brutal loan shark" Frank Calabrese Sr., Frank "The German" Schweihs (a hitman), James "Little Jimmy" Marcello and top mobster Joseph "The Clown" Lombardo, among others. They robbed jewelry stores, killed people for mob hits, and are known as the Outfit killers. The crimes also involve illegal Asian gambling, making it a true multi-cultural story worthy of Scorsese.

The witness, who own restaurants, adult bookstores, and other stereotypical mob businesses, will probably tell terrifying stories, and hopefully not wind up sleeping with the fishes themselves! Now, to be honest, I'm surprised something like this is going on in Chicagoland. When people think about Italians here, they think of Chicago-style pizza, not mass murderers! At least I hope so! Anyway, it will be interesting to see how this trial plays out. If it's on Court TV, I'm definitely heading down to the nearest Lou Malnati's to watch it with a slice and a cold Italian beer or glass of chianti.

BJ's Wild: Sing Along

It's Not Easy Being Straight: An Ode to Breederdom, by BJ Casanova

Sung to the tune of "It's Not Easy Being Green"

It's not that easy being straight
Having to spend each day dreaming of red hot snatch
When I think it could be nicer craving cocks, buttocks, and poppers
Or something much more flavorful like that

It's not easy being straight
It seems you blend in with so many trashy disgusting people
Like frat boys, Keven Federline, and not those
Who're standing out like flaming glitter in the blue sky
Or Anderson Cooper

But straight's the preference of God
And straight can be cool just like homo
And straight can be big like Ken Ryker, or important
Like a Barbra, or famous like Cher

When straight is all you're able to be
It could make you want to cry, or just want to die
But yet, I am straight and it'll do fine, it's fabulous
I love to drink beer and sex up chicks

Big-Screen BJ for March 30, 2007

For figure skating fans, this is a truly exciting day. First we had The Cutting Edge, then many years later a fantastic little film by the name of Ice Princess. Now comes Blades of Glory, the slapstick (slapskate?) comedy from the always-hoot-producing Will Farrell. Jon Heder, who is possibly as skinny as Johnny Weir, is his skating foil. I'm interested to see whether the intense gay quotient of skating is represented in the movie. Will they homo it up, and if so, will it be in good but funny taste?

No matter what, you can be sure this will be good for a laugh of twenty. I can't wait to see the fantastic skating scenes: the lifts, the jumps, the double reverses back sit-spins. Speaking of sit-spins, I hope there are some real (and real cute) male skaters on screen in this one. Brian Joubert, anyone? Meow! Anyway, you better believe I am going to be there gripping an extra-large candy bar in anticipation tonight.


Another high-concept comedy opening today is Blind Dating, which stars a very cute actor who was in one of my favorite TV shows, "American Dreams." He plays a blind guy who falls in love with an Indian (think alu gobi, not Sitting Bull) chick. Imagine the jokes from the double-whammy of sight impariment and cultural divides! I think this is going to be one of the sleeper comedies of the Spring, although it could also wind up being horrible, offensive, and utterly unfunny. Are you brave enough to check it out? Keep your eyes open if you do! And let me know.


I love, love, love Joseph Gordon-Levitt! He has risen from not-so-cuteness is "Third Rock" to a much cuter and much hotter indie career! He wasn't afraid to play gay in Mysterious Skin, one of my obsucre picks from last year. And today, he stars in the brand new film The Lookout, a gritty thriller where he plays a former high school athlete now desparate for money. His character, a janitor, becomes involved in a violent heist, and the explosive action continues from there.

I have to say, he can wipe my floors with his mop anytime! But if the movie is exciting and solid, the hotness factor will only be the icing on the cake--or, in this case, the peefoam on the urinal cake may be a more apt analogy.

Overall, it's a great weekend for movies! The weather here is dreary and rainy, Don is recovering from a wicked sinus infection, and it couldn't be more perfectly times with this triple-feature of cinematic entertainment. See you at the multiplex!

BJ's Giant Clicker for March 29, 2007

Yesterday, the new season of ANTM continued its dragtastic theme with a photo shoot where the girls as men alongside men in drag. The fake facial hair was worthy of a fantastic drag king, but you have to think the shoot unfairy benefited Jaslene. Transsexuals do drag? They don't even have that in Boys' Town! Anyway, Jaslene and Natasha were incredible. Natasha created her own grill from a gum wrapper, showing her Russian mail order bride ingenuity. Is she a secret genius underneath her facade of broken English and incoherence?

Meanwhile, the plus-sizers contineud to suck, and it was the dumb and inarticulate Diane who got the boot. Apparently brevity is the soul of stupidity sometimes! Also, if you missed last week's photo shoot and want to see the murderous images, don't go to the CW site, because they aren't there! Is this symbolism, or did the network bow to controversy? Finally, despite horrifyiing reports this might be the final Cycle, they are currently casting for the ninth! I was so excited to see the ad during last night's broadcast, and you can also sign up at the CW website. So, if you're fierce, tall enough, and crazy but not diagnosable, get online and become a part of pop culture.



Is he calling a hitman to off Sanjaya? There's a debate among "Idol" fans whether the PTB are angry that Sanjaya is ruining the show, or whether they're laughing all the way to the bank and putting on a public show of outrage. I'm going to reserve judgment until people I care about get kicked off the show, because I would rather see the next entry in the Sanjaya Updos of the Damned (or whatever the Hindu equivalent is) than tolerate another train-wreck performance by the Slight Christian Rocker. Good riddance! Go back to your youth ministry and take your Jars of Clay CDs with you.

This was a rather boring week on the show, despite two Donna Summer tracks and one of my favorite MTV hits from the recent past, "Hey Baby." Too bad Jordin Sparks has been outed as a pro-life freak. I suppose we're all lucky they don't outright ask the contestants for their opinions on gay marriage, because I have a feeling I would have to take my fat gay atheist ass off the couch for two and a half hours a week.



Then again, there's always new shoes to fill the gaps. This Sunday is the premiere of Showtime's new series "The Tudors," starring Jonathan Rhys Meyers. I will be any wife of his Henry VIII he wants me to be! I don't know if this is supposed to capitalize on the "Rome" popularity, but now that I can't see the nudity and homoerotic tension on HBO every Sunday, this is probably worth a try.

Finally, as if Bravo! wasn't running its gay reality franchise into the ground with the horrendous "Top Design," they have just started advertising the next and even gayer addition: Shear Genius. Terrible name, terrible idea: America's Next Top Hair Stylist. Of course, it can't be worse than "Blowout," or can it? The contestants, including several foreigners and a man apparently named Dr. Boogie, look intriguing enough, but I'm predicting a bomb that will make "Top Design" look like season one of "Project Runway." I say it's time to bright back "Are You Hot?" just so the breeders can share some of the embarrassment.

Small-Screen BJ for March 28, 2007

One of the most critically acclaimed movies of the year was Children of Men, and for good reason. This tense, exciting thriller had everything true film lovers want to see: great acting, fabulous cinematography, and a nail-bitingly suspenseful plot with a surprisingly bittersweet ending. The only thing that disappointed me was that Julianne Moore wasn't in at as much as I thought she would have been. Ever since Boogie Nights, I've absolutely loved her!

Without giving anything away, this movie is about a future where no one can have children. I'm still not sure if this is offensive, like if it's saying what would happen if everyone was gay. Of course, gay people are capable of conceiving and having children, but not through the same methods as hetero couples. Is the nightmarish, post-apocalytpic world without breeding a kind of homo-holocaust? I can't decide if I should be offended, so until some politically astute blogger convinces me otherwise, I'm going to recommend this movie to everyone.



Will Smith was probably thinking "critics just don't understand" if he read reviews for The Pursuit of Happyness, but he laughed all the way to an Oscar nomination! I know this was a corny movie, but its literal rags-to-riches story was heartwarming, and Will's son Jaden was such a cutie that you had to fall in love with him. He's like the black Jonathan Lipnicki! Also, coming from a family where we didn't have much spending money, and now today that I'm in a place where my financial security is really good, I understood the message of this movie: Being poor sucks! Could there be a more American message?



Awesome, dude! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. The sixth of eight "Full House" seasons is out on DVD as of yesterday, so you can relive the hilarious and touching family stories in case you haven't already seen the episodes one of the 850 times they've been on TV. I must say, this was and still is one of my favorite shows. As a young gay, it was great to see that San Francisco wasn't scary. Of course, it wasn't really gay in this show, either, but I knew that I could go from the Castro to a wholesome family neighborhood and that made me more willing to visit.

Of course, we all know what happened to the Olsen twins, and I guess I can't blame them for waning to keep the same body weight from the early seasons of the show. Who wouldn't? Jodi Sweeten became a meth addict, and Bob Saget disappeared into thin air, but we'll always have this show. It's no SBTB, but who can forget the fantastic episode where DJ went on a diet and passed out after an explosive treadmill session (or was it exercise bike?). Or the episode where Stephanie got in a car accident while wearing hipster boots? This show is my generation, from the clothes to the laughs, and they just don't make TV like this anymore.