Are you there, Tyra? It's me, BJ. Although I have yet to write my recap of the first episode of the brand spanking new season of ANTM for The Vibe, I wanted to start off by saying that this cycle has some momentum. It already seems much better than the last one. A crazy mail order bride, more wigs than a British court, and two plus-size models! Even without a crazy Lisa-esque alchie, I'm along for the ride.
I also wanted to add that it's okay that you've gained a few pounds. As my boyfriend Don always says, the deeper the dig, the sweeter the hole! But, seriously, you are a fantastic, slightly curvalicious black female. All the black queens I know are releived that they can have a few more chicken wings. And, as we all know, there's not really such a thing as a skinny black queen--that's a trannie, honey.
Speaking of trannies, that contestant Jaslene who returned from last season . . . Ooh la la la la la la. I've seen those types at El stations in Boys' Town, and they are fierce indeed! She's one shot of testosterone away from being AJ Tabaldo, though!
Which brings me quite brilliantly, I must say, to the tragic eliminations last week on "American Idol." It is high time that Sangina was sent bad on his bony ass to embark on his own private Marco-like path to gay realization away from the watchful eyes of a million trashy viewers. He knows it, we know it, now just be nice and send him away! AJ was fantastic, and he will be missed, as will Leslie. Now the only certified Bjork fan left is Blake, and I must say there is a certain je DEFINITELY c'est quois about him, if you know what I mean.
Enough about TV, though. I've designated a whole day for that, although there's enough going on where it obviously won't be hard to fill that slot. But speaking of filling slots, have you heard about Bill O'Reilly's new war against San Francisco? Apparently the man can write X-rated fiction filled with disgusting straight sex, but he can't stand a bunch of gay people perfectly willing to act out less gross scenarios. Seriously, that man needs to spend a night chained up, being ravaged with the Tom Chase Experience ButtPlug. I hereby sentence thee!
Not that I, BJ, know anything about gay porn! How dare you assume otherwise, dear readers?
Finally, I wanted to give my wishes to all the poor, less urban Midwesterners who have been suffering some of the worst snowstorms in history. As you sit in your trahshy prefab homes in rural Iowa, hoping your cows are okay (for whatever reason!), drinking canned soup and playing Sorry, I hope you realize that the gay children you called your sons and daughters until you visited them while they were in college and began to have suspicious from the immaculate neatness of their apartments and the accidental forgetting to remove Genre magazine from the bathroom--
I hope you are suffering!!!
That's all for today, sweeties. Check out my recap on the Vibe, and join me tomorrow for the first proper, thematic addition to The Daily BJ!
UPDATE: My full recap of the ANTM premiere is now live at The Vibe, so please read at and leave me some love!
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