BJ's Giant Clicker for March 8, 2007

Her name is 'Nella and she screeches on TV . . .

Seriously, just look at those lips! I think I may lose claim to my own name if I meet Antonella Barba. Needless to say, sweeties, the sucking she does on "American Idol" is the only kind I'd ever want to see or experience, and hopefully she will be gone today. In my day, there was a real sense of class about these things. I'm talking, of course, about Frenchie Davis.

If Sanjaya goes home tonight, and for his future mental well-being I really hope he does (plus, he makes me feel extremely fat, which is the same reason I can't watch Asian films), this will be the straightest season of "Idol" since, well, possibly ever! Not that I'm implying we should bring back Jim Verraros, but still. Without the gays, all we have are the black women (and presumably Ryan), but I supposed that's enough for the time being.



I still miss Kathleen, you know? Like, she was the greatest, you know? Anyway, I'll save my ANTM comments for The Vibe, except to note that Renee needs to be beaten unconscious with the business end of a spike heel, and I want to go to an 80's prom and a ghetto prom! Come on, gay club promoters in Chicago, show us the money!



I am starting a new experiment in BJ's Giant Clicker right here, right now! It's called "The Passion of the BJ," and every Thursday I will write a steamy, erotic, yet religiously inspired recap of the latest episode of my favorite story, "Passions."

The Passion of the BJ for March 8, 2007

We begin with Chad enterting the Church of Our Hot Father, where he gets down on his knees mere centimeters away from Ethan, who is wearing a priest collar and a black thong with bedazzled images from the scriptures. Chad opens wide and confesses his affair in his own special way. Ethan gasps, then moans that Chad must get rid of his mistress. When Chad finds out she is already at the Seascape Icon Store with his wife, he gulps in terror.

Theresa is suffering, and Justin isn't sure whether she wants to become a saint, or whether she just wants to engage in some light bondage and that's what she meant when she told him she wanted to get married.

Miguel, at the Blessed Lady Bunny Hospital, realizes he is getting the "real treatment" from the male nurses there, which makes him wonder if Fox's evil plot was holier than James Edward Olmos's face. Fox asks a nurse what was really in Miguel's "IV bag," but the nurse says the symptoms are psychosomatic. Kay, witnessing this entire exchange, is confuddled and bites loudly into a TestaMint.

Chris and Fancy, at a disco party at the local teen center, wonder where Luis and Sheridan are. Are they together? Are they committing sins? Chris hopes Sheridan is not straying from the marital bed with her evil feminine wicked parts, and Fancy tries to believe as well, since the alternative of wicked whoremongery is so awful. If only they knew Sheridan was fantasizing about a wet and wild makeout session right then and not there! Right after her wicked fantasy, Luis and Sheridan are talking about Fancy and Sheridan implies that Fancy did something wicked and sinful in the past and can never again be trusted.